Gilbert Nightray's Journal
by Dysfunctional Death Angel
Summary: Gilbert writes in a secret journal. He rants about Alice quite a bit, maybe he's not as cool as everyone thinks? Based off of what ever happens in my friend and mine lives.
1. Chapter 1

Gilbert Nightray's journal

Day 1

That darn rabbit is so smug just because she beat me at a meaningless game. She tried to kill master oz today, again. I should just kill the stupid chain and master oz could be free. But master oz has strictly forbidden the killing of that worthless abusive chain. She dares address me by what my hair is like! That darn rabbit keeps mocking me about things that are off the topic of getting master oz out of that contract with her. My hair does not look like seaweed! Darn b-rabbit! She is looking at my creepy brother while we are supposed to be working. She is writing something now. What could that chain be doing?

Day 2

The first thing that idiot chain did this morning was greet me like so. 'Morning seaweed head!' that dumb chain! Also I've been having difficulty with a paper that keeps moving away from its position and that worthless chain insists on mocking my troubles. SHE EVEN DARES TO COMPLAIN ABOUT ME IN THAT NEW JUORNAL SHE IS WRITING. THAT DUMB, WORTHLESS, IDIOT CHAIN!

Day 3

Did she…? That BLOODY BLACK RABBIT JUST TRIED TO KILL ME… AGAIN! I'm glad I sleep with a knife under my pillow because it saved me. She was spouting some ridiculous nonsense about how I should obey her, as she is the master of my master. Of course I answered honestly. "Over my dead body." Then she went ballistic and tried to crush me with those mammoth bunny feet! That ended quickly as I simply cut off her attacks by touching master oz's head. Furious, she grabbed a knife and tried to stab me! That stupid moron! After removing the weapon from that maniac, she proceeded to bullying master Oz. I'd had it! I took out my gun and shot at her until master Oz ordered me to stop. That darn bloody black rabbit!

Day 4

That darn B-rabbit! She looked at this journal and smirked at my limited word choice for insults and insulted my intelligence! This coming from a moron who ate a rose just because it smelled good and doesn't know the value of meat! Also there is little I can say before I overstep the gentlemen boundaries. WHAT! SHE STOLE THE MEAT? THAT **** RABBIT! LOOK, NOW I AM NO LONGER A GENTLEMAN! Oh, master Oz stole some too, Very well. ALICE! GET YOUR HANDS OFF THAT STEAK!

Day 5

That sadistic chain is going around telling everyone to call me seaweed head! That jerk! In the afternoon she did something horrifying! She brought a cat. I ran so fast! I TOTALLY HATE CATS! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BLOODY RABBIT!

Day 6

I and Oz left that B-rabbit by herself. I had hoped that the chain had killed her before we got there, but oh well. Not all wishes can come true… for now. Xerxes also has enjoyed torturing me today. I do not enjoy being toyed with. So I put that evil cat bringing rabbit and Xerxes in a room, locked it and left them there. She destroyed and demolished the building and promptly made another attempt on my life. I did what any sane person would do and shot at her hoping one of the bullets would connect. Xerxes stood on the sidelines laughing his darn head off. For the first time we worked together to try and kill him! He just skipped around dodging the bullets and her dirty bunny feet. (She probably never washes them). Together they are going to make me bald! Maybe then she will stop calling me seaweed head. STUPID CHAIN! GET AWAY FROM THE MEAT!

Day 7

That stupid rabbit is strangely quiet today. It makes want shiver. That idiot chain always is plotting something extremely life threatening for master Oz. she has been asking about break and Vincent. Strange. That sneaky CHAIN. She is plotting something. I know it. NO MEAT FOR ALICE TONIGHT! I JUST REMEMBERED THAT SHE CALLED ME A HOUSEWIFE THAT JERK! No meat for a week.

Day 8

Ha that dumb chain almost fell! I am bursting with laughter inside. It serves her right for almost killing me…again yesterday. She is clearly overreacting over no meat for a week rule that I instigated. She almost squished me three times and has thrown several knives, plates, vases, and master Oz one time. I tried shooting her but Master Oz still protects that pathetic moron. I am very mad at Break and so is Alice as on a visit he compared us to an old married couple. When we went to the festival she practically charged at the meat cart and the vendor expected me to PAY FOR IT! That rabbit owes me 300 pounds, that meat freak. Not only does she insist on bullying Master Oz but also bleeding me dry of any money! Master Oz is not eating well and it worries me… that is until I learned that Alice has been stealing a large portion of his meal, more specifically, the meat. I was about to shoot her, but decided not to. I was tempted to when Vincent got it in his head that I actually liked her, but he is just my brother and knows nothing of how she aggravates me. I am so ashamed that my own brother does not understand my wish to kill the stupid chain to free Master Oz. break and her are always continuing their verbal abuse.

Day 9

Nothing is happening today. It is relatively peaceful. That rabbit… never mind she has just started to tease me for the day. That idiot is now laughing at my paper dilemma. How immat-WHAT THE HECK! I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING ME SEAWEED HEAD YOU DARN RABBIT!

Day 10

That rabbit called me seaweed head again when she bumped into me. I am just going to ignore that old insult now… maybe. I am slightly more temperamental than I was when I was a kid. She is now talking about how Valentine's Day is a government way of weeding out the weak. She is very opinionated about this touchy subject and it is very amusing watching her rant on about this holiday.

Day 11

She is celebrating the death of a very annoying person. She looks so happy it's creepy. Master Oz's mental health was tested when we went to Cheshire's… I blame that stupid chain getting master involved in all this. We got stuck there temporarily and that stupid rabbit tried to make me her manservant while I was there. I escaped… barley. She is now trying to convince 'the clown'. I shall run before she loses her temper, too late! Darn it! I thought Cheshire was gone! I TOTALLY HATE CATS! HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT CHESIRE MEANT THE CHESIRE CAT?

Day 12

The dumb rabbit is taking the day of to annoy 'the clown'.

Day 13

I wish I had straight hair… the dumb rabbit and another girl ganged up on me today. They brutally embarrassed me and once again I wish I could kill the stupid chain. After she is strangely quiet except to falsely report a friend of bothering her. That dumb chain caught me calling her by her real name. Darn. She is now smiling so smugly. I am going to kill that rabbit.

Day 14

The dumb rabbit was waiting for me with a cat. I immediately shut the door and fumed as the dumb rabbit started laughing. THAT STUPID RABBIT! I'M GOING TO FEED HER RABBIT STEW! …I have fed her the stew and she was all smug about finally having broken through the no meat for Alice rule…until I told her what kind of meat she was eating. She spat it back out and started crying about being a cannibal. I was starting to feel sorry about it and was about to apologize until she started trying to kill me again. Oh well, guess the cycle will continue.

Day 15

I finally got around to apologizing to the stupid chain. When I was done she did the strangest thing. She smiled and then started to laugh manically. She then tried to kill me again for making her a cannibal. That nosy rabbit looked in some private papers of mine but I shall forget in light that I still feel guilty. That dumb chain doesn't recognize that I apologized! THAT STUPID CHAIN!

Day 16

Miss Sharon was chasing Master Oz all over the place calling him a beast. I wonder what that worthless chain told her. Oh… so miss Sharon was told that they kissed. OH NO SHE IS GOING TO KILL MASTER OZ! THAT STUPID RABBIT! After explaining to Miss Sharon the situation she stopped chasing him, though he still looks pretty dead… Master...?

Day 17

The dumb rabbit is so quiet today. I am so happy. Darn now she is plotting again. Not much to say today. She has spoken my suspicions. She is going to destroy the house. In return NO MEAT FOR A MONTH! She wants to join a circus and I agree that she fits in there perfectly. Someone offered her a job at a meat factory. I would hate to think what that dumb rabbit would do to their sales. She starts tomorrow.

Day 18

She got fired.

Day 19

The stupid hare wants to join a circus and I want her to go too. So I proposed a deal. Master Oz's contract nulled so she can go. She flat out refused claiming she would never let go of her manservant. Not much now. She is just being depressed because I won't even go to the circus with her. To tell the truth I am afraid there will be lions… and they are cats. I HATE CATS! Stupid Seaweed Head is AFRAID of cats, it's not simple dislike. Hahaha! Oh, Alice was here. That dumb rabbit read this! I am so ashamed! I am going to shoot her for a while. She has begun the plotting again.

Day 20

Nothing much is happening today. The rabbit is silent and not plotting despite the lack of anything to do. She freaked out a poor innocent citizen. Other than that and to ask if snow is edible (dumb rabbit)

Day 21

She isn't here and the world is at peace.

Day 22

That dumb rabbit heard there was snow outside so she threw on some **SUMMER **clothes and went outside. She came back in with frost 'nip' on her toes and passed out in front of the furnace. Apparently Break had told her that snow was in summer.

Day 23

Break didn't tell me anything about his past and now that he has it makes me sad that he didn't say a thing after 10 years. Then master Oz and Break laughed. I was so mad that I subtly reminded Break that I was 5 cm. taller than him. He reacted by trying to say that it was 4.5 cm. the rabbit involved in most of the secrets that Break revealed didn't seem to care at all.

I can't believe that today I have to rely on a dumb rabbit who can only think of her stomach

Day 24

The dumb rabbit plagiarized from someone and when I asked her to share the answers she made herself look completely innocent and shrugged. 'I'm a dumb rabbit remember.' It was enough to make me sick.


	2. Chapter 2

Day 25

She was spouting that 'I is amazing' nonsense so I decided to agree with her today. 'You are the amazingly stupid rabbit.'

Day 26

She called me Bilbert. She doesn't want to admit that she is too stupid to actually say my name so has concocted a ridiculous plan to rechristen me 'Bilbert'. Break and she have made a temporary alliance to carry out this plan. I will have to sleep with one eye open for a while.

Day 27

The rabbit is down today. Never mind she and Break are plotting on how to rechristen me. I refuse to be named Bilbert or Alice! I don't even understand how she got that idea. She suggested me being renamed seaweed head. I declined that insulting offer and she started muttering something about a seaweed head junior. Master Oz yet again stopped me from choking the life out of the offending chain. ... I hate you... dumb chain… OF COURSE NOT! ...kill... stupid... rabbit

That dumb rabbit said a very… lady would be the only one… and kid… seaweed…think it was her… pervy… I hate her! IN FRONT OF MASTER OZ TOO!

Day 28

Today has been so humiliating and it's all that chain's fault! She asked me how babies were made! Well actually she asked Master Oz, but Master Oz was too embarrassed and passed the job to me. She just stood there waiting impatiently for me to tell her but I just couldn't. THAT DUMB RABBIT ASKING ABOUT THINGS THAT DON'T CONCERN HER! So I was standing there paralyzed when it hit me. MISS SHARON! I had remembered that Miss Sharon kept lewd books like those. So I sent the rabbit to Miss Sharon. But the stupid rabbit asked like this, 'seaweed head told me to ask you how babies are made.' The next 30 minutes were spent evading Miss Sharon as she called me a beast and chased me around with a scythe. WHO THE HECK GAVE HER A SCYTHE? THAT STUPID CHAIN!

Day 29

The rabbit went to a meat eating contest. No brainer that she won, but after her victory dance with Master Oz she burped in my face 4 times. I wish her a stomachache. She tried to get rehired at the meat factory but they refused because working with her anymore would make them bankrupt. You can't make money selling meat with no meat. As a result she tried to kill the manager. Thankfully the manager runs very fast! So instead she got offered a job by a guy named Mao. He worked for a packaging company… I think. His slogan was 'Anything Can Fit!' but I got a bad feeling when he said he was looking for a chainsaw.

Day 30

The rabbit is gone! Master Oz and her were sleeping when I left them (Alice the dumb rabbit kicking him even in her sleep) and when I went in the morning she was gone. I kept trying to assure him that she just went to steal meat but I am not so sure…

The rabbit came back with Break who I didn't even know was gone. They looked as if they had been fighting and Alice the chain was yelling at him about something.

Day 31

She has been very silent for some reason. She keeps glancing at Jack. Then Sharon smiled very smugly and left with a self satisfied smile. With that it hit me… Alice likes Jack.

Day 32

What do I do? Should I do anything? He is my first master but what do I really do about Alice liking him? That abusive chain is really creepy in love. She refrained from insulting me, beating me or humiliating me! THIS SCARES ME MORE THAN WHEN SHE BROUGHT THE CAT TO THE HOUSE! I will have to confront her!

Day 33

I went up to her and told her I knew that she liked Jack. She spluttered that she didn't and then quietly admitted that she did. Then she punched me in the stomach. But I was ready for that abusive chain this time. I took out Sharon's Break candy gun and shot her until she fell very defeated. I had found a way to respect master Oz's wishes and still shoot her! YES! Then she took out her rabbit form and squished me under her rabbit feet.

Day 34

For some reason now she is telling me everything about Jack. SINCE WHEN DOES HE HAVE A GIRLFRIEND NAMED SHARIE?

Day 35

Sharon was playing coy with Jack and hinting that maybe, possibly someone liked him. He stared straight at her and said 'Yeah, Alice right?' Sharon tried to play dumb (that woman is insanely good at that!) (OW!) But Jack shut down any attempts to deny this idea. I know all this because Sharon told the rabbit who screamed it at me while hitting me as hard as she could with a leg of meat.

Day 36

Jack is leaving for an expedition and the stupid rabbit is down. Her only comfort is that he broke up with Sharie because she is going to another country. Apparently she had been receiving threats and had had it up to here. She is still avoiding him. Then she perked up and announced that she had a brilliant idea. Whatever it is its not brilliant.

Day 37

Jack left and Break and Oz saw him off. Lady Sharon excused herself saying she couldn't find her Candy Gun. I am scared for my future when she finds it. The dumb chain was nowhere to be seen.

Day 40

Today we got a box from Mao's packaging company. On it was a sign that said 'Energizer Bunny.' I shook the box and yelped as it roared. I opened the box up and the chain came up, mouth overfilled with meat growling at me. As she rose a letter fell out of her pocket.

'Dear Gilbert,

I am returning this because she is eating me out of house and home and my budget cannot handle her appetite. She keeps eating and eating and eating and…'

I stopped reading. This went on for three pages. Alice just kept stuffing her face with steak. 'Are you happy that they broke up?' she grinned at me. 'Very.' She crammed some beef in there. 'I also find it very amusing that they are in separate ends of the world!'

'I'm sure you are' Break said. The chain bristled and started to stomp on Break.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE YOU STUPID CLOWN?'

'Looking for my candy gun and listening on to this very interesting conversation.' Sharon barged in. 'GILBERT…' I gulped. She held up the candy gun. 'WHAT WAS THIS DOING HERE?' I ran. Short and simple; THAT WOMAN RUNS LIKE THE WIND!

'DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT'S BEEN CONTROLING BREAK WITHOUT THAT GUN?' She screamed. HOW DID SHE FIND OUT? Then I saw the chain smirk as she cornered Break. I'll spare you what happened next but I will kill that rabbit.

Day 41

I am so tired


End file.
